Couples Therapy for Relationships That Feel Stuck
You’ve talked about it. You’ve tried to fix it. Somehow, you keep ending up back in the same place.
Online couples therapy with specialized experience in ADHD, autism, OCD, anxiety, trauma, and neurodivergent relationships.
Knowing what’s wrong doesn’t always change what happens.
You might both understand the problem and still keep having some version of the same argument.
Maybe one of you wants to resolve things immediately while the other needs space. A small issue turns into defensiveness. You solve the practical problem but somehow miss each other completely.
Or maybe you rarely fight anymore. You function well together, but there’s a distance neither of you quite knows how to close.
Before we try another solution, I want to understand what keeps happening between you.
Sometimes the problem isn’t where you think it is.
Couples often come in with a theory about what’s wrong: communication, intimacy, chores, trust, different needs, someone’s diagnosis.
Any of those may matter. I’m also paying attention to what happens around the problem. What happens when tension starts? Who explains, fixes, withdraws, reassures, gets defensive, or keeps trying to get the conversation resolved?
Once we can see the pattern more clearly, we have more options than trying harder at the same solution.
Sometimes there’s more to the story.
ADHD, autism, OCD, anxiety, and trauma can affect what happens between two people. Understanding that context can change what we do with the problem.
ADHD
Time, follow-through, task initiation, attention, emotional intensity, and shared responsibilities can all become relationship issues. We can work on what isn’t working without turning the ADHD partner into the problem.
Autism
You may process conversations differently, need different amounts of space, or show care in ways your partner doesn’t automatically recognize. Therapy shouldn’t require either of you to become more neurotypical.
OCD & Obsessive Thinking
Relationship doubts, reassurance, repeated conversations, checking, and the need to finally feel certain can pull both partners into a loop. Sometimes the relationship makes more sense once we can see the OCD cycle in it.
Anxiety & Trauma
Past experiences can affect what feels urgent or threatening now. We can understand where a reaction comes from while still looking at what is happening in the relationship today.
I won’t just watch you have the same argument in front of me.
I’m active in couples sessions, but I’m not there to referee.
I’ll ask questions, slow things down when something important happens, and point out patterns that can be difficult to see when you’re the two people inside them.
We may troubleshoot something practical, realize you’ve been trying to solve the wrong problem, or stay with a hard conversation long enough to understand what’s actually happening.
I’m not deciding who is right, what your relationship should look like, or whether you should stay together. My job is to help you understand what’s happening clearly enough to make your own decisions about what needs to change.
You don’t need a crisis to need something to change.
Sometimes there’s one obvious problem. Sometimes the relationship has just started feeling harder than either of you wants it to.
Couples therapy without adding another Bay Area commute.
I work with couples online throughout California, including San Jose, Los Gatos, Palo Alto, Silicon Valley, and surrounding Bay Area communities.
You don’t have to figure out the whole problem before you reach out.
Tell me a little about what’s been going on. We can use a complimentary 20-minute consultation to see if working together makes sense.
Call or text 408-549-1971 · katie@evolvetalktherapy.com