Complicated Relationships · San Jose + Throughout California
You don't have to know what to do yet.
Something about the relationship isn't sitting right. You may know exactly what it is, or you may still be trying to make sense of it.
Therapy can be a place to think clearly about what's happening without being pushed toward a particular decision.
Request a Free 20-Minute Consultation
When It's Complicated
A relationship can be hard to explain from the inside.
You can love someone and know that parts of the relationship aren't okay. You can understand what's happening and still have no idea what you want to do.
Maybe other people have strong opinions. Maybe no one knows. Maybe you're not ready to call the relationship anything at all.
We can look at what's happening without deciding the ending first.
The Whole Relationship
More than one thing can be true.
Someone can hurt you and still matter to you. There can be good parts of a relationship that also has serious problems.
Love, history, family, money, children, hope, fear, culture, practical realities, and safety can all be part of the same decision.
Looking at It Clearly
We can be specific without rushing to a conclusion.
Not every difficult relationship is abusive. Not every harmful relationship is easy to recognize from the inside.
Patterns
What keeps happening, what changes, and what happens afterward.
Boundaries
What happens when you disagree, say no, need space, or make your own choice.
Power & Control
Fear, pressure, monitoring, threats, manipulation, isolation, money, sex, or control.
What Matters to You
What concerns you, what doesn't, what you want, and what you're unsure about.
Labels Can Come Later
You don't have to call it abuse to talk about it.
The relationship may involve unhealthy patterns, emotional abuse, coercive control, physical violence, sexual coercion or abuse, or something you don't have a name for.
We can talk about what happened without requiring you to describe it in a particular way.
Decisions
Staying and leaving aren't the only things to talk about.
You may be deciding whether to stay, leave, set a boundary, have a conversation, make a plan, wait, or change nothing right now.
We can think through your options and what each one would actually mean in your life.
I can help you think. I won't make the decision for you.
After the Relationship
It can be over and still affect you.
Maybe you left recently. Maybe it was years ago. You might notice it in relationships, sex, trust, conflict, boundaries, your body, or situations that seem unrelated.
You may still be trying to understand what happened. You may know exactly what happened and be dealing with what came after.
You don't have to tell the whole story to work on what it's affecting now.
Safety
When safety is part of the picture.
If there are threats, violence, stalking, coercive control, or other safety concerns, we take them seriously.
We can talk about risk, options, and safety planning when it's relevant, without assuming I know what you should do next.
My Approach
Support shouldn't become another person telling you what to do.
My graduate research focused on clinical practices for working with people currently experiencing intimate partner violence.
That work still shapes how I approach complicated relationships: understand what's happening, take risk seriously, offer useful information, and leave the decisions about your life with you.
Online Therapy in California
Complicated relationships therapy in San Jose and throughout California.
Evolve Talk Therapy provides online therapy for adults navigating complicated or unhealthy relationships, emotional abuse, intimate partner violence, sexual abuse, and the effects of past relationships. Based in San Jose and serving adults throughout California.
Getting Started
You don't have to have it figured out before we talk.
Start with a complimentary 20-minute consultation. Tell me as much or as little as makes sense, and we can see whether working together feels like a good fit.